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I can't believe I did what I just did. haha It didn't feel so wrong after all. hmm. I can assume we're much cooler now. haha HOPEFULLY no more social awkwardness. LOL Haih I have serious problem here. Yeah. I'll surely overcome it. No worries right farahELIENA. leulzz

Today :]

Assalamualaikum :D

I changed my desktop background again. This time into this.

 

I am writing this here because I really don't know to whom I should talk about this with. That is basically because I have been repeating the old same thing. Lame right ? I love to write them down. I mean these mixed feelings of mine so that when I succeed later on, I will have something to look back and browse through. The old me they say. HAHA 

Honestly, I am scared. I am scared of failing. Not succeeding. Not achieving. Who doesn't right ? Susah rupanya nak keep being self-motivated. Takut2 jugak tapi usaha kena berterusan.Takut je tanpa usaha buat apa kan ? 

*blank*

Later :)

Reflection and wild dreams

Assalamualaikum :]

These random things just pop up from my mind just now. They are so random that I almost don't have time to comprehend them myself. So, I decided to put them into words. Easier to understand don't you think ?

DREAM BIG people would say. Yeah. I dream so BIG. And I achieve BIG. Alhamdulillah. Sometimes, I didn't get what I want. I tried my best but I didn't succeed. Do you know why? That is because HE have much better plan for me. Alhamdulillah, even I failed, I was given the opportunity to see and understand the HIKMAH and lights behind the darkness :D

" When you try your best but you don't succeed " Fix You - Coldplay

My point here is I always plan. Everything. I plan what to study. I calculated how many days until my next holiday and I plan what to buy and what to do during my semester break. However, my plans don't work out as perfectly as I wanted of course.

" Kita merancang dengan cita-cita kita. ALLAH merancang untuk kita dengan CINTA-NYA :] "  Kak Wani Usrah

Sweet like candy I know. That is why we don't need to be so frustrated if things don't go our way.

"Dan sesungguhnya! kesudahan keadaanmu adalah lebih baik bagimu daripada permulaannya."

   

            

 

                   

And now here I am, planning again or more likely to dreaming again and trying to put them into words. As simple as I could so that people would easily understand. ( as if there's any silent reader in here :p )

yeah *I WANT THIS to become a reality

Okay let me start.

So, since UPSR's result was announced, I dreamed on entering MRSM Kuala Krai. Never crossed my mind about applying to SBP. HAHA I failed to get the offer from MRSM of course. But in turn, I managed to get a letter from STF Johor Bahru. I never saw that coming. I was hoping to get an offer from TKC actually. HIHI I didn't give so much thought on that and just told mama that I want to give it a shot. So, eventually, I love being called a Tun Fatimah's student :D ALLAH knows best right. I seriously enjoyed my teenage-time-spent in all girls' school. HEAVEN GILE.

" If you never try, you'll never know " Fix You - Coldplay

So, off I go from Kelate to JB. I spent my good five years in Johor Bahru :] Alhamdulillah ALLAH always love HIS servants. HE give us what we need. Seriously. What we need. At the right time and the right moment. I pass my SPM with flying colours. Just the way I wanted. Just the way I wanted so that I can make my MAMA and PAPA and family proud of me. So that, all the money and energy they spent on me become worthwhile.

		" فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
	"	So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief:
		"   إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرً
	"	Verily with every difficulty there is relief.

Betapa ALLAH itu sebaik-baik perancang. I honestly didn't understand at first. Because I didn't see it. After SPM result was announced, all the SPM leavers were busy applying for scholarships and I ended up getting a few offers for the interview. PETRONAS, BANK NEGARA MALAYSIA and KHAZANAH. I didn't apply for MARA. The interview for BNM and PETRONAS were held on the same date :O I chose to go for PETRONAS but I failed to get the sponsorship. Sounds bad right.  But hey, ALLAH is the best planner. HE know what we don't know. 

Surah Al-Baqarah: 216

"...But it is possible that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knows, and you know not "

ALLAH give me the thing I need and in which I am capable of. I seriously couldn't cope with further mathematics and high expectations from Bank Negara right. Maybe PETRONAS would send me to USA and I won't be doing so good in SAT or ADP. Yeah because I wanted to go to UK so badly.

Surah Al-Baqarah: 284

" Allah tidak akan membebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya.Dia mendapat pahala ( daripada kebajikan ) yang diusahakannya dan ia mendapat seksa (daripada kejahatan) yang dikerjakannya..."

Despite my failure in getting those private scholarships, I was qualified to get MOE BURSARY and will be doing A Levels in my dreamed college - Taylor's College :D ALHAMDULILLAH. That is the starting point where I realized that I really need to be grateful and stop complaining. See the sunny side in everything. InshaALLAH ALLAH will always help the people in need. HIS beloved servants.

From then on, I never stop hoping, dreaming aiming and achieving !! 

If you fail, it is okay to be sad for a while. Get a grip of yourself. Embrace the failure and get back up. YEAH. GET BACK UP and you just need to work a bit harder than before right.

...and these are my current dreams and aims :

• So, I want to get 4A* in Cambridge A Levels
• Enter Manchester University 
• Finish my  Bsc degree in GEOLOGY and get a Masters also lah in UK
• Get a SHELL/PETRONAS scholarship for degree
• Balik kerja dengan PETRONAS and be rich muehehehe
• Then, apply to work in CANADA
• Go jalan2 at USA while working in CANADA
• Get married with a guy who is cool enough to love me
• Go to Mecca with mama+papa+isya+abe+ah+che+nor+mami+abah
• Own audi sport orange, a house with a swimming pool HAHA

 SO LET US WORK HARD AND ACHIEVE GREAT THINGS :]

AND plus yg dalam previous post :

• Reti main guitar pepel tu
• Own an ipod touch *white colour and pink MACbook
• Reti swimming gaya bebas n gaya katak n gaya kupu2 *bukan yg satu nafas tu je =.='
• Blaja naik kuda *bukan keldai, nanti dia stop utk kencing mcm kat uk pfft
• Own a camera besar and learn photography
• and of course acieving kemanisan iman n kemanisan ukhuwah. G mekkah UK EUROPE lah senang