Exams are coming soon. This are the time when I want to do everything when I am supposed to be studying. Oh well, at least I am trying. My routine now is I study from 8.30 pm to 2 am at the library. Then, I wait for Fajr prayer (3 am) and sleep until 10 am or 9-ish am. Wake up and have brunch and continue to study until 5 pm. I go out to the meadows or chill a bit and the cycle repeats. I feel good about it. I don't have problems missing Fajr prayer and I can have enough sleep. So, I am quite happy plus I loooove it when the sun goes down late and rise at 5 am. :)
I have been thinking a lot lately. (Biasa lah musim exam ni semua issues nak fikir solutions.) I have been lepaking with both of them every night now as I study together with her a lot. Not that we are taking the same subjects but we just sit next to each other and study. Haha. I know, I am that strange. I need to have a company to keep me spirited. Kalau sorang2 jadi mcm sekarang. Writing a blog post. Haha Way to go Farah Asri.
So, seeing both of them and having the chance to spend most of the time with them, make me realise that I am no longer feeling uncomfortable being around the two of them. They don't show any signs of hiding their 'happiness' and sweetness too (in front of me). I am totally fine and don't feel like a 'tunggul' anymore. Haha (of course I once felt that way). Instead, I am happy seeing them. I silently and unconsciously praying the best for them. Awhh. Somehow, all three of us show some kind of acceptance to the situation. It's a wonder for me to feel that way. I am struggling to be nice and feel nice about everyone and everything. I kind of succeed in one :).
I wonder why am I not jealous and feel totally fine about it. Not that I like him. I mean, why don't I feel like wanting someone special by my side too? Isn't that the thing I want for myself? Not being the friend of her but having someone saying 'Oh, that's her.' The more I think about it and the more I talk to Tok Mi about this (yeah, I only talk about these stuffs with my grandma :) ) my cutest grandma. I think I know the conclusion. I hope this conclusion is right though.
Maybe, just maybe, what I want is not to have someone (one person) special, but I long for a group of cool guy friends who I can be myself and have fun gaming or lepaking, talking stuff together. Tnh, I don't really have true guy friends that really "kenal siapa Farah Asri" and how I am. They just know me on the surface and don't really show any intentions in getting to know more than that. (at least that's how they made me feel). Lol.
Semoga panjang jodohnya :)
Maybe, just maybe, that's what I hope for from them these days. :) I am glad I am in Edinburgh :')
xx
FarahAsri
